NYC Midnight Short Script Feedback

I received a first round honorable mention on my short script, Guns of War.  I thought I would share the feedback.

“Dear Rosalind Malin,

The judges’ feedback on your Screenwriting Challenge 2013 1st Round screenplay is below.  Please let us know if you have any questions or concerns.  We hope you find the feedback helpful and you enjoyed the competition!

”The Guns of War” by Rosalind Malin  – WHAT THE JUDGE(S) LIKED ABOUT YOUR SCRIPT – ……………Some really good craft on offer here, including plotting, characterisation and dialogue. It also has a strong message, anchoring it with a theme…………………………….Visually and imaginatively stunning short screenplay. I love how a (popular in this competition) pro and against guns political-type opening soon blends into a really spooky, artistic and symbolic story of the battle between war and peace. Some fab horror elements, too – feels like a nightmare with all the shape-shifting!……A very magical and intriguing story filled with great imagery. Very imaginative  – this is would visually stunning to see…………………   WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK – ……………The script doesn’t really feel eerie enough to be a ‘true’ horror film – it actually feels more like a drama. Though there is a message present, with the potential for a strong theme, the story kind of loses itself and strays away from the theme – from what it’s about………………………….…This script might be difficult to understand upon first reading and is the sort of script that would need to be read a few times to fully appreciate it, but it’s very unique and has great integrity; therefore it’s hard to criticise it. ……The dialogue comes across a little redundant at times. Warren sounds like he’s saying the same thing, but just in a different way. Work on making Warren and Elpis more personal. ……………… 

Best,”

Not too bad considering the time limit – 8 days for a 12 page script. Doesn’t give much time for the idea to gel.

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